Malfunction

I am sitting on the sofa reading a book, vaguely aware of some scuffling noises behind me, when suddenly there is a violent grunt, and a bang.

“Bloody hell,” says DorkyDad.

“Is everything okay?” I ask.

“There’s something wrong with the printer.”

I turn round and peer over the top of the sofa.

“You haven’t switched it on,” I say.

DorkyDad scowls, and bends down to turn the printer on.

I smile, and return to my book.

The printer whirrs into action.

Then I hear a mouse click.

Click.

Click-click.

Click-click-click.

Click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-clickety-fucking-click.

“SHIT!” says DorkyDad.

I pause.

“Is everything okay?” I ask.

“No,” says DorkyDad. “It’s still not working.”

I turn round again, and look over to his desk.

“You haven’t connected it to your computer,” I say.

DorkyDad mutters under his breath, and bends down again to pick up the cable.

He plugs it in.

Another pause.

A green light blinks, and then stops. The printer whirrs again.

Finally a page of white A4 appears. DorkyDad picks it up and smiles.

Sorted at last.

But then another page appears. And then another. And another.

“Noooooo,” wails DorkyDad. “Make it stop! Can you make it stop?“

I start to giggle… and then the giggle turns to awe as the printer spews out page after page of paper, and they start to spill all over the carpet.

You remember that scene in Harry Potter where the owls deliver thousands and thousands of letters?

Yeah. That.

Only press Print once, kids. Once is enough.