Alternative Government: The Bloggers’ Cabinet

I have been trying for weeks to write a long and serious post about our current Government. Not a morning passes when I don’t turn on the computer, see the latest headlines and literally want to puke when I see the latest piece of havoc they are wreaking on the country. Having bulldozed their way the through the NHS, the education system and the welfare system, I can only wonder in fear what they’ll turn to next.

But this post isn’t going to be that long and serious examination of the issues. There are so many people far more knowledgeable and eloquent than me writing excellent, passionate and well-informed articles about current affairs, that mine can wait. (See the bottom of this post for a link or two)

Instead, I’m going to present you with an alternative Bloggers’ Cabinet. You tell me that these folk couldn’t do a better job than the shower of shites we’ve got at the moment…

***

Prime Minister

Have you ever known anyone get things done more efficiently than Mummy Barrow? One single tweet led to the whole Team Honk extravaganza – visiting Ghana, climbing Snowdon, and raising a ton of money for Comic Relief… Whether you’re looking for advice on a dodgy landlord, or a PR contact for a posh London hotel, this is your woman. She takes nonsense from no-one, and you know she’d throw awesome parties at Number 10. Mummy Barrow for PM, the campaign starts here.

Deputy PM

I think that Maggy from Red Ted Art – one of the loveliest ladies in blogland – would use her quiet confidence to good effect as Deputy PM. When things got a bit heated in the Cabinet Room she could whip out some toilet roll tubes and pipecleaners and get us all doing some craft activities to rebuild team morale.

Chancellors of the Exchequer

It makes sense for this to be a jobshare between two of the thriftiest ladies around; Becky from Baby Budgeting, and Lucy from Lulastic. Both of them know how to balance the books, but they also know that it takes more than money to make the world a happy place. You wouldn”t see them getting booed in the Olympic Stadium…

Foreign Affairs

The two people that spring to mind for this job are Sarah from Grenglish, who is married to a Greek Godzilla (her words, not mine) and therefore well used to bridging gaping cultural gaps. And Kate from Kate Takes 5. Because she’s Oirish. Begorrah begosh.

Transport

The most obvious picks in the whole team. This jobshare could only go to Gemma from Hello It’s Gemma and Jane from Northern Mum. You’ve never met a pair of women more obsessed with making our transport system affordable and sustainable…

London Boris Bikes

Energy

Has to be Annie. The woman can do more in 24 hours than most of us manage in a week. Whatever energy source Mammasaurus runs on is what we should use to power the country too.

Environment, Food and Rural Affairs

I’m splitting this one up, because as it stands it’s too much for one person to take on. The Ministers for Food Cake and Gin are Sarah from Older Mum and Sonya from Rock N Roll Mum, who I am assured know their portfolio inside out… Rural Affairs goes to Kathryn from Crystal Jigsaw because she lives on an actual farm and knows what she’s talking about. (I bet Owen Paterson has never had to put his hand up a sheep’s bum.) And environment goes to Cat Parrott from Yellow Days, because her name alone qualifies her for the job.

Work and Pensions

Aly from Plus 2.4 got her bid in early for this one, stating that she’d like to see everyone on a four day working week for a five day salary. Sounds good to me!

Health

I like to think that Anya from The Healer would take a more holistic approach to the health of the nation than currently exists. More massage and meditation, less big pharma. I’ll pair her up with BeingMrsC, whose past career as a project manager should see the successful resuscitation of the NHS.

Education

There’s not a pupil in the country who wouldn’t benefit from having Chris at Thinly Spread standing at the front of the classroom for a lesson or two. If she job shared with fellow former teacher Penny from the Alexander Residence I think we could guarantee a generation of clever, compassionate and happy citizens.

Culture and Media

Molly from Mothers Always Right manages to combine life as a blogger, writer and radio presenter, so I think she’d be perfect for this job. Her knowledge of 90s popstars and obscure bands from the Britpop era is unrivalled, so if we could put her in charge of the Cabinet Room sound system too. I might pair her with Jayne from Mums The Word, who I would specifically put in charge of rejigging the CBeebies schedule.

Justice

This has to be Anna from Adventures of a Middle-Aged Matron, because having a vicar’s wife on your side in matters of justice can only be a good thing. Also, she writes for the Guardian and it would be nice to start this project with the press on our side.

***

So those are my suggestions. If you have any of your own, please leave them in the comments below.

And if you want to read some less frivolous articles, to find out what serious writers have to say about the state we’re in, check out the last half dozen comment pieces from Polly Toynbee, Zoe Williams or Owen Jones. Also, Bright Green is a good collective blog dealing with matters of social and environmental justice.

Or if reading about it isn’t enough – if it spurs you on to do more – think about getting involved with the soon-to-be-launched People’s Assembly. It’s a collective of left leaning MPs, disability campaigners, trade unionists and others, aiming to provide a broad yet coherent and cohesive opposition to the austerity movement.

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28 responses

  1. I LOVE this post!! Mummy Barrow for PM is a campaign i can get my arse 100% behind! I genuinely think if we were in charge we would do a INFINITELY SUPERIOR job!

  2. Epic list! *hooks self up to the grid* Of course we can have orgies and claim expenses yes? WHAT?! Come on! Hang on…. Mosler’s looking over her glasses at me now – time to run!

  3. Thanks Ruth, I shall graciously accept your nomination although after watching Hunt further demonstrate his complete lack of understanding of the NHS in his statement this morning I’d be tempted to throw my hat in the ring for health too.

  4. Absolutely brilliant post!! You’ve gone a lot of trouble to muster this one up, far more trouble than Dave would ever go to for us plebs…err, normal people.

    I think I’d love the role for DEFRA, I’d whip them into shape in no time!!

    CJ x

  5. Love it! I’d definitely vote for this talented bunch of ladies, rather than the shower of ***** that we have now.

    I’m with you in wanting to puke, tear my hair out every single day. I do actually remember the Thatcher years a little as I grew up in a ‘red-top household’ and always took an interest, but y’know, I don’t think even Maggie had the audacity that some of this lot have. She didn’t dare tackle the NHS to this extent…

    Anyway, I’m getting angry all over again now. A National Bloggers Party is the way forward I think. You could even practice a bit of positive discrimination and let the odd Dad-blogger in, Blair’s-Babes-style. :)

  6. Oh this post is the best post I have read in I don’t know how long. Bloody brilliant.
    As you have given all of the ministerial posts away I nominate YOU for the Speaker of the House of Commons.
    Do you accept? :-)
    Liska xx

  7. Pingback: Elks and Stars and All Things Nice… | blueberetmum

  8. Pingback: Cheerio 2013! « dorkymum

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