A friend and her daughter came round to visit the other day, and as the wee girl was standing in our kitchen I smiled at her and asked, “Would you like a fruitie? We’ve got pink or orange.”
She gave me a bemused look.
I laughed. “A smoothie, I mean, sorry! Not a fruitie!”
‘Fruitie’ is what DorkySon calls smoothies – I think it must be a contraction of ‘fruit smoothie’ and without even realising I’ve made it part of my own vocabulary. It set me off thinking about what other words and phrases we use that wouldn’t make much sense to people outside the family. There are probably hundreds of them, but here are my favourite five:
Noggy Knocker (noun). This is when you accidentally bang your head on something. A double noggy knocker is when you bang your head against someone else’s head. It can also be used as a verb, e.g. ‘Be careful not to noggy knock me please.’
DorkyCuddle (noun). A group hug involving me, DorkySon, DorkyDad and Binky. Usually instigated by DorkySon. Often followed by a Kiss Bomb.
Butt butter (noun). Nappy cream. This is another one that I’ve accidentally used outside of the family, provoking many giggles among the staff at DorkySon’s nursery.
My People (noun, collective). This is how DorkySon refers to his collection of stuffed animals. Regular calls of ‘Where are all my people? I can’t find all my people.’ can be heard in the DorkyHouse. I am only slightly worried by its dictatorship overtones.
Grand Sac (noun, derogative). I had never heard the insult ‘douchebag’ until I met DorkyDad, but it quickly became one of my favourites. A holiday in Paris, where there seems to be quite a high proportion of douchebags in the population, led to this French variation.
What daft words and phrases are unique to your family?